“I was once very upset this sketch wasn’t picked to be in a sketch show. That’s how funny I thought this was. This is my first commercial parody. It is untouched. It is in mint condition from the first draft. I re-read it a month ago and I realized it would have been the worst comedy ever performed onstage if it’d gone up.

I wrote this is in a frat house computer lab I snuck into in 2004.” - Jill Morris

BUZZ ALDRIN’S MOON BLEACH CREAM FOR LADIES

By: Jill Morris

COMMERCIAL:

Woman 1: Eek, Maxine! Why didn’t you tell me I had unsightly facial hair! You know I have a date tonight!

Woman 2: Aw, it’s not so bad.

Woman 1: Ugh! Maxine! What about my date?

Woman 2: Call and cancel. You have no choice. I mean, look at you.

Woman 1: (sighs, picks up phone) You’re right. You’re such a good friend.

(Buzz Aldrin enters with box)

Woman 1 and Woman 2: Buzz Aldrin! What are you doing here?

Woman 1: Are you here to talk about your inferiority complex with Neil Armstrong?

Buzz: Nope. I just stopped by to fix that unsightly upper lip of yours Christie…

Woman: Hey!

Buzz: … with my new, patented “Buzz Aldrin’s Moon-Bleach”

Woman 1 and Woman 2: Moon-bleach?

Buzz: That’s right ladies. Moon-bleach. Specially formulated from the atmospheric pressures that bleach moon-rocks, Buzz Aldrin’s Moon-Bleach is both safe and effective for any woman suffering from unsightly facial hair.

Woman 1: That’s me! Let me try!

Woman 2: Me first!

Buzz: Now, now ladies. There’s enough moon-bleach for everyone! It’s available at your local drugstore. And for a limited time only, make sure you say “Buzz sent me,” while pointing to your upper-lip, for a 20% discount.

Woman 1 and Woman 2: Now our facial hair is light years away. Thanks Buzz!

Buzz: Don’t thank me. Thank my moon-bleach.

*Festival Performer